Crash Landings
by Chezza
Summary: Just a little musing on why the UAVs are always crashing....


Title: Crash Landings  
  
Author: Chezza  
  
E-mail: cyberchezza@tiscali.co.uk  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Sequel/Series: N/A  
  
Summary: Just a few musings on the fandom idea of why the UAV's are always broken….  
  
Season: Any except six, cos Daniel's there.  
  
Spoilers: None that I can think of, but that doesn't mean there aren't any. If you spot one, let   
  
me know and I'll put it back wherever it escaped from….  
  
Category: Humour. I think….  
  
Characters: Jack O'Neill. Sam Carter. Daniel Jackson. Teal'c.  
  
Pairing: S/J (but its barely there)  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warnings: Language gee that's a shocker for one swear word  
  
File Size: ?  
  
Archive: Jackfic, Carterfic, Helio, Fanfiction.net, Gateworld, SJD, my site….. If anyone else   
  
wants it, just lemme know where you're taking it, so I can come visit.  
  
Disclaimer: Ain't mine! Surprise…. Stargate and it's characters etc, belong to all those folks who   
  
actually make *money* out of them. Any original stuff in there is mine. Tho' sadly, it's unlikely to   
  
ever bring me any cash….  
  
Authors Notes: Very odd this one…and all the fault of the jackfic weekly opening sentence   
  
challenge. You folk are a bad influence! Can't ever actually see Sam – or Jack - doing this, but   
  
that didn't stop me writing it….  
  
As always, thanks go to dragonlady for the beta. Flames will be used to light Teal'c's candles   
  
not like *that*! Get your mind outta the gutter, f'cryin' out loud! but constructive feedback   
  
(and criticism) is always gratefully received. Enjoy!  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
"They send me out, I fly around, and when I crash it's SG-1 to the rescue."  
  
Daniel gave him a weird look. "Jack, you feeling okay?"  
  
"Hmm?" Jack looked up from his musings. "Uh yeah. Just wondering what life must be like for a   
  
UAV…."  
  
Daniel didn't look convinced and took a step away from him, just in case whatever he'd got was   
  
contagious.  
  
"I mean, think about it." Jack continued, waving his hands in the air for emphasis.   
  
"It's *always* the same. We blast 'em through gate, they buzz around for a bit and then they   
  
fall over. Then *we* have to come through and pick up the pieces. Makes me wonder if they do   
  
it on purpose."   
  
Crouched over the UAV, a little distance away, Sam Carter smiled to herself as she listened to   
  
their conversation.  
  
"Uh Jack," Daniel said carefully. "You do know they're not *actually* alive, right?"  
  
Jack gave him an irritated glance. "Gee, no Daniel. I hadn't realised that."  
  
"Ah." Daniel said, blithely ignoring the sarcasm. "Just making sure."  
  
Jack glared at him for a moment, then shrugged and let it go.   
  
"It's just…odd, don't'cha think?"  
  
"In what way, O'Neill?" asked Teal'c, who had been listening to their conversation with interest.  
  
"Well…" Jack mused, thinking out loud. "They only ever seem to crash on planets that are on   
  
*our* mission list. Have ya noticed that?"  
  
Sam held her breath. Surely he couldn't have seen the pattern…could he?  
  
"And – *and* – " He continued in a louder voice as something else occurred to him, "it's usually   
  
only on planets that are about to be scrubbed from our mission list because the UAV has   
  
sent…stuff, back that then gives us no reason to, you know, go there."  
  
Daniel's eyes widened as he realised the implications of what Jack was saying.  
  
"You mean, it's almost like something's trying to make us go to planets that we wouldn't   
  
otherwise visit?"  
  
Jack nodded. "Exactly!"  
  
Sam let out her breath in quiet sigh. The man was smarter than he let on.  
  
"I do not understand O'Neill." Teal'c rumbled.  
  
"For what purpose would someone do this?"  
  
Jack shrugged. "Ya got me, T."  
  
Not that Jack was bothered. Every time they had to go play 'fetch the UAV', it meant an extra   
  
trip through the 'Gate and that was alright by him. It wasn't something he ever got tired of   
  
doing. He'd never admit it, but he loved being the first person through the 'Gate. The first   
  
Earth person to step onto a new planet. It just…niggled, a little, that someone might be   
  
manipulating them.  
  
Daniel was frowning. "It doesn't make any sense. I mean what *reason* would someone have to   
  
make us visit planets like this? I mean there's *nothing* here."  
  
He waved a hand at their surroundings and all three of them watched the tumbleweed that had   
  
suddenly appeared, roll gracefully past them.  
  
Jack shook his head and resolutely ignored it. He hated clichés.  
  
"Unless that's the point." He said.  
  
"To make us visit a planet with nothing on it? Where's the sense in that?"  
  
"Or maybe just to make us visit the planet?"  
  
Daniel looked at him.  
  
"Yeah…you're right, it makes no sense."   
  
And it didn't, not really. All they gained was an extra half-day on another planet. But hey! It was   
  
yet another planet visited, that they hadn't been to before. Which always made it worthwhile.  
  
He turned around. "Hey Carter! You done yet?"  
  
Carter straightened up from where she'd been securing the UAV to the FRED for the return   
  
journey.  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Okay kids, no point hanging around, let's move out."  
  
They started on the journey back to the Gate, which they could see quite clearly in the   
  
distance.  
  
"Have you noticed that the UAV never crashes too far from the 'Gate either?" Daniel said   
  
suddenly.  
  
"Yeah," Jack agreed. "Just far enough to give us a good workout and kill a few hours."  
  
Sudden movement caught his eye as Carter looked away. Was it him, or did she look a little   
  
edgy? A sneaking suspicion popped into his head. Could she have - ? Nah, surely not…this was   
  
Carter they were talking about.  
  
"Here's another thing," he continued. "It never seems to be too badly damaged either, ya know?   
  
Just enough to knock it out of the sky."  
  
Daniel shot him an appraising look.  
  
"You know, you're right. I hadn't noticed that."  
  
Carter was resolutely staring straight ahead. Jack decided to test his theory.  
  
"Whadda you reckon, Carter?" He asked.  
  
He could've sworn she flushed slightly at that.  
  
"Sir?" She asked.  
  
Daniel explained Jack's theory.  
  
"So what do you think, Carter?" Jack asked again, watching her carefully. "You're the techie,   
  
after all."  
  
Sam stared back evenly, a small ripple of unease running through her stomach. He couldn't   
  
possibly have figured it out…could he?  
  
"I think it's probably just a coincidence, sir."  
  
"Uh-huh." He said, still watching her. They walked the rest of the way in silence, each of them   
  
lost in their own musings.  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Three hours after their return from PY4 986, Sam Carter sat back in her chair after typing the   
  
final full stop on her mission report and stretched leisurely. Finished at last! Although it was   
  
becoming harder and harder to come up with good excuses for the UAV's 'malfunctions'. She   
  
wouldn't be able to get away with it much longer. Still…it was worth it though.  
  
Allowing herself a moment's indulgence, she called up a file on her laptop and smiled happily as   
  
she stared at the screen. 119 new planets visited. How cool was that? God, now she was   
  
channelling the Colonel! They were definitely spending too much time together….but 119 though!   
  
That was over *twice* as many as the next nearest team – SG-2 – with 56. She grinned as she   
  
looked at the little marks next to 37 of the planetary designations. They indicated unscheduled   
  
UAV rescue missions. To think they'd have missed out on visiting all those planets, if it wasn't   
  
for the UAV's little 'accidents'.   
  
Three more 'mishaps' would bring them to a nice round forty and then she'd stop. They should   
  
have more than enough missions under their belts – official and otherwise - by then to win this   
  
year's annual 'most planets visited' pool. Even if Daniel got himself injured from now until the end   
  
of the year. Sometimes being the techie had it's advantages….  
  
"So *that's* what this is all about." A quiet voice murmured from behind her. She whipped round   
  
in shock. She hadn't realised someone was stood behind her.  
  
"Sir!" She gasped and blushed bright red. Shit! She was in for it now! To her amazement, he just   
  
grinned and took a closer look.  
  
"Sweet!" He said, peering over her shoulder at the screen.  
  
"Sir?" She said weakly.  
  
He turned his head slightly to look at her. "Think we'll win this year?"  
  
Okay, so he obviously wasn't going to report her for damaging government property….  
  
"We'd better do, sir."   
  
'I didn't put all this effort into it for nothing' remained unspoken.  
  
"Hey, any chance you could send me a copy of this?"  
  
…Or maybe he was. The 'rabbit in the headlights' expression obviously showed on her face, as he   
  
hastily held both his hands up in an effort to reassure her.  
  
"Not for that! I swear."   
  
'Then why?'  
  
He stuck his hands in his pockets. " I just…wanna know where we've been and your record is way   
  
fancier than mine."  
  
'Huh?'   
  
Her puzzled expression earned her an amused grin and she watched as he pulled his wallet out   
  
of his pocket, removed a dog-eared piece of paper and unfolded it. He handed it to her.  
  
She looked down at the well-worn piece of paper in her hand. It was covered in the Colonel's   
  
sprawling handwriting which catalogued row upon row of planetary designations and dates. She   
  
looked up at him.  
  
He shrugged, suddenly embarrassed and took the paper back, carefully folding it back up and   
  
replacing it in his wallet.  
  
"You're not the only one, Carter." He said quietly. "I wanna be the first too."  
  
She smiled softly as they shared a moment of mutual understanding.  
  
A wicked twinkle appeared in his eyes. "And I *don't* like sharing my toys."  
  
"Yes, sir." She agreed softly.   
  
"So," he said lightly, wrenching his eyes away. "What's up next on our mission list?"  
  
She called up the planets they were provisionally down to recon next.   
  
"P98 624, P52 647 and P7Y 451."  
  
He rested his arm across the back of her chair and she couldn't quite suppress a slight shiver at   
  
his closeness.  
  
"Bit of an odd mix." He said, scanning the preliminary data on them.  
  
"Yes sir."   
  
He looked at her. "Any preferences as to which we should pick?"  
  
She pulled a face. "To be honest sir, none of them look particularly promising. MALP telemetry   
  
showed no signs of immediate civilisation and it doesn't look likely that the UAV will find   
  
anything either…General Hammond will probably give them to one of the science teams to follow   
  
up on."  
  
His next action stunned her into complete and utter amazed silence. Colonel Jack O'Neill, 2IC of   
  
the SGC and CO of it's premier team, looked at her…and pouted.  
  
"But they're *our* planets, Carter," he whined.  
  
She grinned.   
  
"*Yes sir*", she agreed whole-heartedly. "They are."  
  
"Soo," he said, "If the UAV were to say, have a little accident…"  
  
"We'd just have to go and get it back, sir. After all – " she continued, her own eyes twinkling, " –   
  
I will need to take a look in order to figure out what went wrong…"  
  
"That you will Carter, that you will." He murmured softly.  
  
Straightening up, he patted her on the shoulder. "Nice work Major, very nice work indeed."  
  
"Thank you, sir."   
  
He nodded. "Right then, I'll leave you to it. Don't forget I want a copy of that."  
  
She nodded back. "Yes, sir."  
  
"Oh and you might wanna check who's stood behind you before ya open it up next time. Don't   
  
wanna get caught with *that* by Hammond!"  
  
She grinned. "I'll do that sir."  
  
He turned to walk out of the room, but stopped at the door. He looked back at her as she   
  
watched him leave.  
  
"Oh and Major? Let's keep this our little secret, shall we?"  
  
~~~End~~~ 


End file.
